Well, if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably a fan of AMC’s “The Walking Dead”. And since you’re a fan, you know that season 3 ended, oooohh, about 10 years ago. You also probably know that season 4 starts in October, which according to my calculations is in approximately 18 THOUSAND more days.
If you’re like me, this whole time you’ve been suffering with withdrawal-type symptoms. I kept a diary of my worse ones, and I will now share them with you as a form of therapy. Together, we can get through this!
Saw a man who looked just like Dale (except for the beard, hat, and a rifle slung worthlessly over his shoulder). Wept.
Took my daughters purple bow and arrow set (from the Disney movie “Brave”) to Riverwalk Park here in Bakersfield. Held it sideways like a crossbow and shot some squirrels. Park ranger tried to shut me down, got a purple suction dart arrow in his eye for his troubles.
Went to a local prosthetic shop, took a leg up to the counter. The man looked me up and down and asked, “Who’s this for?” I replied, “A friend”.
Took family to the hospital to get blood drawn. Get results in a week.
Today I looked at various on-line dating websites and searched for all girls named “Maggie”. Sent them all a threatening message: “If you EVER break Glen’s heart, I will ruin you.” No responses.
Saw an RV. Wept.
Took family to get results from blood test. The doctor walks in and said “Good news, you’re all perfectly healthy.” Not what I wanted to hear, so I offered him 20 bucks to say “You are ALL infected”. He wouldn’t say it for any less than 50. Friggin doctors. I hope my insurance reimburses me.
Some girl scouts came to the door. I yelled “THIS PRISON IS OURS, WE SPILLED BLOOD!” They ran away. Darnit, I was craving thin mints too.
I’m starting to refer to my wife as “Lori” and I swear to you, I see her everywhere I go. Look, there she is! Aw, too slow, you missed her. LOOK! Dang.
Saw an RV. Wept.
Went and paid a visit to my old 9th grade science teacher who I feel strongly resembles Milton. Gave him a hug and whispered “Hey, you tried” into his ear. He must not have recognized me, because he maced me. It stung.
Today I declared to my children that until October their new names will be Carl and Sophia. Carl enjoys his new hat. And glock. Just kiddin about the hat.
Saw an RV, and I didnt weep! Got choked up, but still, getting better!
Saw Carl kill a frog in cold blood with a magnifying glass. Gonna have to watch that boy. I’m starting to think that he feels he can lead this group better then I can! Had to ask for my glock back.
Went to “Open Mic Night” at a United Nations Local 213 meeting last night. Tried out some Merle-inspired material. Didn’t go over too well. Went back to hospital.
Saw Sophia slowly walk out of our barn, almost freaked out. Mostly because we dont have a barn. Or live anywhere near a farm for that matter. Weird.
Saw an RV. Shrugged. I think I’m over it!
Nope, I’m not:
See you in Season 4!